An Open Letter to Young Adults Who Love Jesus
In my (relatively) short life time, I have witnessed changes in our societal values related to love and sex and marriage that make the sixties seem tame in comparison. Of course, for followers of Jesus who stand under, not over, God’s Word, not even Supreme Court decisions have the power to alter what we believe about these things. However, we would be kidding ourselves if we didn’t recognize that our culture’s increasing apathy, even hostility, toward biblical purity has a significant influence on our own views.
As well, it must be acknowledged that even among Christians we have naively and uncritically embraced certain cultural practices that, though they may seem inane, have far reaching implications not only on purity, but on our willingness to let God be God in our lives. A huge example is the way we play the dating game. It seems so cute when our young adults pair-off, mimicking the romantic scenes on TV, spending large amounts of time together (whether face to face or electronically) and becoming possessive of each other as if one could not live without the other.
But what isn’t so cute is the depression and destructive tendencies such premature intimacies produce. What isn’t so cute is the idolatrous way in which their lives all of a sudden seem to revolve around the object of their affection. And it is definitely not cute when all other relationships, with friends, with family, even with God, take a backseat to romantic affections.
As far as our culture is concerned, such concerns are not only viewed as archaic, but downright offensive. It makes sense, among those who believe that morality is relative and the product of human imagination, that any conversation about purity is viewed with disdain.
However, for those who call themselves followers of Christ, who consider the Word of God to actually be the Word of God and who desire to live lives that bring God honor, this topic is not only worth discussing, but it is one that receives far too little consideration in Christ’s church today. We seem to tell our young adults, “Well, be good and don’t have premarital sex,” and hope that this will be enough. But it isn’t. They need tools. They need regular encouragement and instruction from God’s Word. They need accountability. They need people willing to speak truth into their lives—even when speaking such truth is risky or awkward or difficult to share.
And what is the truth that needs to be spoken? You don’t have to be romantically involved in order to be a healthy, happy young adult. And when you do engage in a relationship that goes beyond friendship, it is not healthy for you to spend every waking moment texting, talking to, or being near your beloved. It is healthy, in fact, for you to continue to foster meaningful relationships with friends, family and fellow believers. And romantic feelings do not require delving prematurely into emotional or physical intimacy. As the repeated refrain in the Song of Solomon says, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” There is an intimacy that God intended to be reserved for marriage.
But when you do sense God leading you toward lifelong romantic love, don’t think that good intentions are enough to avoid the idolatrous tendencies or sexual impurity that is all-pervasive on the dating scene. Holiness in thought and speech and action doesn’t just happen. It requires diligence in pursuing God and His will through daily, meaningful time in His Word and prayer. It requires committed, faithful fellowship and service in Christ’s church, among His people. And it requires intentionality to invite others who are older and wiser to regularly speak into your life words that may be difficult to hear, but are often words of life!
Until Jesus returns, nothing is going to change in our culture. It will continue to redefine what is good and redesign God’s intentions for romance and sexuality and marriage. But don’t be deceived, no man can rewrite the Word of God. And beyond the shadow of a doubt, God’s way is the best way. God’s way has always been the best way. And God’s way will always be the best way.
In Christ’s Love, Pastor Dan
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